I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.