I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.