In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.