I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."