If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda