To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.