Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.