I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.