I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

My father was a small claims court jester.