I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.