I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?