All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?