All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."