All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.