I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.