Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.

I took a baby shower.

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.