Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

Clones are people two.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.