I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.

Day One: Still tired from the move.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.