I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.