George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.