I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

My father was a small claims court jester.