When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.