At one point he decided enough was enough.

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.