I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.