For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.