For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?