When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?