In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"