People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.