People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.