I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.