Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.