I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.