I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

A metaphor is like a simile.

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.