Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.