I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven WrightI had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven WrightAll of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven WrightA beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"
Steven Wright