Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?