My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.