If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em