If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.