There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Because I don't believe everything I read.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?