It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I lost a button hole.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?