When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.