When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.