How can there be self-help groups?

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.