I had my coat hangers spayed.

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.