A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'
Steven WrightMy favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.
Steven WrightI told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven WrightWhen I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright