A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

I took a baby shower.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What do batteries run on?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?