I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.