The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
How young can you die of old age?
I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."