If God dropped acid, would he see people?

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.