I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?