The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.