I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.