I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.