I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

How can there be self-help groups?