Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.