I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?