How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.