I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet?

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'