I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?