If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.