If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'