Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

My father was a small claims court jester.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.