My father was a small claims court jester.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

The sky already fell. Now what?

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.