My father was a small claims court jester.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.