My father was a small claims court jester.

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?