It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.