It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

My father was a small claims court jester.

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.